Situations

With life becoming so unexpected, I can't help but think that I don't belong here anymore.
I feel like I did when I was 16....not having my own space to call my own.

I think that if I had to make a choice, I'd move to Michigan in a heartbeat. I wouldn't think twice. I love him and I know that things would work.

I just feel displaced.

Realization

I was browsing my Steam Community friends about 20 minutes ago and I realized that Him and I have been friends for 103 days. That breaks down to 3 months and 13 days. We've been together for about 3 months and 7 days. It just amazed me of how fast time is going by. 3 months together with him and it feels like only yesterday that we were doing all nighters, learning almost every detail about each other, and discovering new things that we didn't know about ourselves.

Our time so far has been a rollercoaster. We've had our amazing times in our "up" stage while at the same time struggling with the fact that we're 3 time zones away...which results in our "down" stage. Many people have asked me why I would be with someone who is 3 time zones away. They ask why I would put my heart out there and love someone I've never met. I don't usually talk about our personal life to others besides those I trust along with this blog. However, when/if I do choose to respond to their questions, I tell them honestly...that I love him. That I would rather wait and be with someone I know that I love and respect than to search for someone here in California and have to start all over. Him and I, we've broken ground already. We've laid down the foundation. We've built and established trust, communication, and love better than we both have ever been able to before.

And through one little realization today, I fell in love with him in a whole new way. Realizing that he's mine. I'm his. Nothing in this world could change that.

With love,
-stb-
Mrs. H

It's love

You know that butterfly feeling you get when you first start to like someone? That anticipation to hear their voice drives you wild. That feeling when you see them and they smile at you because you're smiling at them and you're smiling at them because they are so beautiful. That feeling of having that persons attention for numerous amounts of hours. Being able to truly say that you love them. That you care for them. That you can't see how your life would be better without them. That feeling you get when your heart skips a beat when they tell you that they were thinking of you at the store....in the shower....or even driving. That amazing warmth you get when that person tells you that he woke up and called for you because he was so used to having you in their head/ear/mind. That sense of closeness you two have knowing that no one else would make you two happier than each other. Hearing THEM say I love you before you say it.

That's my life from now until I die. I couldn't ask for anything better.

The masks had come off today. The raw emotion that I felt today was very harsh and very unsettling. I couldn't stand it for a brief moment in time. The anger he felt and the lack of care that I had. It's not that I didn't care as much as I didn't know the whole story. It left a dent in my heart as we ended the call so soon. It was as if we had gone a step back rather than improve upon ourselves and talk the issue out. Being myself, I went over each word he said to me, each thought. The words repeated in my mind. The pain just kept getting stronger and stronger. I knew that in order to make this right, we had to talk about it. I did say things that I didn't mean to say prior to him, so for that I said sorry. I said sorry for the lack of care I showed upon this issue. I said sorry for the hurt I may had brought to him. Yet, at the same time, I expressed how much pain I myself had felt when he said certain words. We discussed this. We spent a minimal time frame saying I'm sorry but thats because we forgive easily. The thing that we (mostly him) did speak about was the issue in general. I listened to each word he spoke. The pain he felt as he spoke about it. I was able to hear the emotion he had in his heart. It was beautiful. It was pure. It was full of passion I hadn't ever seen before. This moment I saw was one of the most touching experiences we have shared to date. 

Tonight made me realize how much I am in love with him and that no matter what we may say and go through....we are going to be more than fine. We're going to be fantastic. Our love is what keeps us strong. 

With love,

'stb'

Mrs. H.

Silence

I'd rather listen to you scream at noobs or sleep than to be in silence. 

I am so happy to have met you.

2 months strong in about 3 hours..my time. 

I can't ever imagine my life without you. 

No one else gets me. 

I love you sir. 

A Million Years Can Pass

...and I'd still be in love with him.

Just simply hearing his voice when I wake up makes me feel so lucky. Having him help me when I needed it made me feel grateful for him. I want to be able to help him when he needs it. I want to be able to be there for him when he needs me. I am just so lucky and blessed to have him in my life.

With love,
'stb'
Mrs. H.

Love is strong.

I love him.

So with that, I am strong.

Establishing the Baseline

In a relationship, the typical thing is to let your guard down a bit...time by time...you begin to trust this person with everything you have. You share, you conversate, you express emotions that you don't share with anyone else.


I've communicated with him so much that I feel like I know so much about him....more than anyone else.

I love that fact.

With love,
'stb'
Mrs. H

Just a thought.

Did you know that there are 3,600 seconds in an hour? I find it interesting how in a second, a life is changed.

Every hour I speak to him...every second we spend on skype...my life changes. He brings me love. He brings me hope. He brings me affection. He brings me his life being intertwined with mine. I wouldn't have it any other way.

The hours we spend watching movies, playing games, talking, and just feeling that warmth of each others voice makes the distance NOT an issue. Distance is only a space of time in which we are not there physically but we are there for each other mentally and emotionally. We are able to see each other when ever we want to. Distance is not an issue.

Talking about the first time we will meet, that's an interesting conversation we've had. Feelings will rush into us...thoughts are bound to be racing...and pulses...those will be going a mile a minute. Will it be awkward? Will we just be able to talk to each other like we do now? Will we just hug and kiss right away? Will we be able to even speak? There are so many concepts that could happen. I'm truly excited. I have a feeling I will try to joke around and not be nervous. I have a feeling I'll try not to be awkward. Either way, I have all these thoughts and feelings that rush through my mind when I think of him...and it makes me fall more and more in love with him.

That's just a few thoughts that I've been thinking lately.

With love,
'stb'
Mrs. H

Life

It seems like Japan is all over the news today. I was awake when it happened. I couldn't believe the images I was seeing. I went to bed with those thoughts in my head. All those families...mothers who lost their children, children who won't ever see their daddies again....it wrecked me.

I feel for all of the countries effected by Mother Natures furry. I send them nothing but good vibes.

It did bother me a little bit that people in California were freaking out about it possibly hitting us. We would not have felt ANYTHING like the people in Japan did. We would have felt nothing like the magnitude they felt. People freaked out about minor waves in compared to those in Japan.

I suppose that I feel this way because of the fact that so little of us are prepared for an emergency situation. I just wish that people would have been more prepared in this horrific tragedy. I do realize that an earthquake and a tsunami are hard situations to prepare for but I just wish that others would be more prepared.

This situation made me realize that I need to prepare for any type of situation that comes at me.

While talking to Him...he stated that he would come to California and try to save me if I couldn't go there. If zombies happened, he'd steal a car and save me. If some horrible situation happened in California...he'd try to get here. It made me realize that life is so short and precious. Life is unpredictable. Eventually everyone will die. It makes me sad and worried that I haven't met him yet and that I can't say to myself that I was able to kiss him, wrap my arms around his neck and hug him with all of my might. It makes me over whelmed knowing that we are barely starting our lives when we are so willing and just anxious to be more than just us right now.

But time is not over. This is what I repeat in my head. Time is not over.

To the families in the numerous countries, you are in my thoughts.